10) The Shining- When the mentally deteriorating Jack Nicolson's finds himself fending off a laughing wet naked old woman in a bathroom, the old woman looks like she's having a great time even in the 'help me I'm rotting' make-up.

9) The Wicker Man (Remake)- Any time Nicolas Cage is being crazy, seriously any time. Just watch Nicolas Cage running around being the maddest hat in the box randomly punching people, wearing a bear suit and screaming 'BEES!' at the top of his voice. It's a film that doesn't even need to be MST3K'd

8) The Legend Of Hell House- Does a pretty good job of setting up a spooky atmosphere until one of the cast is attacked by a cat, unfortunately with a seventies budget the evil cat looks like it's made of pipe cleaners and old slippers, the actress makes a valiant attempt to look like said creation is menacing her.

7) The Blair Witch Project- In which everyone is scared very close to camera, and we see them being scared close to the camera in a variety of interesting (and occasionally sticky) ways.  The fact that the woman is being menaced by a dark and apparently empty forest doesn't really help her case.

6) Highlander 3? 5? 17? Endgame - When at the end of the epic McCloud/McCloud sword fight in amongst all the dramatic tension. Christopher Lambert stops in camera shot looking for all the world like he's wearing some sort of hideous doll wig! For the love of god I hope that's a wig! I hurt myself laughing at it.

5) Deep Blue Sea - When Samuel L Jackson's rousing and dramatic 'let's escape' speech ends in him being flattened against the tiles and dragged off by a giant mutated shark...OM NOM NOM

4) Executive Decision- One moment there's a tense scene in which navy seals are trying to board a hijacked plane the next Steven Seagal is being sucked out of an airplane. And everyone is all 'OMGWTF! Steven Seagal has been sucked out of an airplane!!!!' and suddenly I could not love this film any more.

3) Silence of The Lambs- Three words... 'The Penis Dance' Ted Levine is going to be remembered for that for as long as he lives.

2) Graveyard Shift- Late in the film one of the characters gets his arm chopped off. It's supposed to be a dramatic and horrifying moment, but the guy gets carried away with his flailing and the rest of the cast ends up showered in wet bits of fake wrist. And I'm gone, utterly gone.

1) Hollow Man -  One moment I'm watching a grim treatise on invisibility and then suddenly I'm looking at heat vision testicles! I missed twenty minutes of dialogue the first time I watched this film.




Honourable mentions! (excluded either because I'm sure someone was trying to funny or because they didn't fit!)

Anaconda - Any time the giant CGI/Rubber anaconda is eating anyone. Ok any time the giant CGI/Rubber Anaconda is on screen at all.

Total Recall- Arnold Swarzengger on the surface of Mars, with his eyes coming out....nuff said.

Jurassic Park - Creepy suit guy hides from a Tyrannasaurus Rex in a small wooden toilet, creepy suit guy is promptly being eaten by the Tyrannasaurus Rex

Wendigo - A film so excruciatingly dull I think I actually died in the middle of it. But right near the end a man is chased by what I would absolutely swear is a bunch of sticks taped to the camera and a man wearing a deer head perched on the top of his head.




I may be compelled to add to my 'Honourable mentions' as more films come to me....