Home of the inappropriate fruit salad

You're doing it wrong.

Thu, 15 May 2008 06:26:24 GMT

The trailer for the American version of Life on Mars sort of makes me want to microwave my own head. The words DO NOT WANT just don't seem good enough...

In which it's too hot to be this amused

Tue, 13 May 2008 10:19:40 GMT

I'm sat here watching my neighbour desperately try and mow through grass that's about four feet tall, he's already gotten the mower stuck in the grass once and had to physically lift it out. At one point I lost sight of him among the foliage. I don't feel guilty at all for considering this free entertainment.

And I've just received Hitman on DVD rental and now I'm afraid to watch it in case it makes me want "to weep and then die"

ETA: There have been a few conversations in the past week or so about weird crushes. People you won't admit that you're quietly obsessed with. Or people you'll watch awful shows/children's television/rubbish soaps just because they're in it. I've just realised I currently have one of those....

And since I'm a fangirl I feel no shame!! Well, very little shame.

I've been secretly watching Young Dracula on the sly...because I'm ever so slightly attached to their dad. Yeah, that would be Dracula...

It's repeating on Wednesdays on BBC1 at the moment... I think it's the cape, and the voice, and the petulant bloodthirsty-ness, and the boots, and the leather pants, and the hair.......

It's done!

Fri, 09 May 2008 11:58:25 GMT

t_usual_suspect I wrote you your something Captain Jack-flavoured! :P Habits it turned out a little crazy in the end, but I didn't think you'd mind! It has chains and red aliens! Oh and when you read it the week will probably be over! One week left!

In which I am annoyed!

Tue, 06 May 2008 18:53:45 GMT

I leave the computer for five minutes and when I come back there is literally no ink in the printer!! No ink for printing-ness! And I know why as well, someone has been printing out steam trains!! *angry flail*

*eyes stack of five packs of paper* That's just sods law isn't it.

I have no choice but to accept that the universe doesn't currently want me to write....

April 2008 Fic Round Up

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 12:54:29 GMT

Numbers

Weaponry (Charlie/Colby, PG-13) In which there is subtle innuendo

SGA

5 Times John Lost His Pants (gen, PG-13) 5 times John Sheppard has been separated from his pants

Reaper

Maketh The Man (gen, PG-13) "Are you wearing your dad's clothes?" Sock picks at the material. "This troubles me."

Misc

Crossover Conversation Ficlets, being human, btvs, doctor who, firefly, heroes, hex, house, life on mars, numbers, primeval, robin hood, sga, supernatural, the sarah connor chronicles, torchwood, ugly betty (gen, PG-13) Crossover conversation ficlets.

My Top Ten unintentionally hilarious movie moments....

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 07:56:22 GMT

I was randomly browsing my DVD's last night and got into conversation about those moments in movies that you're fairly certain aren't supposed to be funny, but kind of are. The ones you can't watch without laughing through. So I made a list of the ones that stuck out most. And voila! My Top Ten Unintentionally hilarious movie moments....

10) The Shining- When the mentally deteriorating Jack Nicolson's finds himself fending off a laughing wet naked old woman in a bathroom, the old woman looks like she's having a great time even in the 'help me I'm rotting' make-up.

9) The Wicker Man (Remake)- Any time Nicolas Cage is being crazy, seriously any time. Just watch Nicolas Cage running around being the maddest hat in the box randomly punching people, wearing a bear suit and screaming 'BEES!' at the top of his voice. It's a film that doesn't even need to be MST3K'd

8) The Legend Of Hell House- Does a pretty good job of setting up a spooky atmosphere until one of the cast is attacked by a cat, unfortunately with a seventies budget the evil cat looks like it's made of pipe cleaners and old slippers, the actress makes a valiant attempt to look like said creation is menacing her.

7) The Blair Witch Project- In which everyone is scared very close to camera, and we see them being scared close to the camera in a variety of interesting (and occasionally sticky) ways. The fact that the woman is being menaced by a dark and apparently empty forest doesn't really help her case.

6) Highlander 3? 5? 17? Endgame - When at the end of the epic McCloud/McCloud sword fight in amongst all the dramatic tension. Christopher Lambert stops in camera shot looking for all the world like he's wearing some sort of hideous doll wig! For the love of god I hope that's a wig! I hurt myself laughing at it.

5) Deep Blue Sea - When Samuel L Jackson's rousing and dramatic 'let's escape' speech ends in him being flattened against the tiles and dragged off by a giant mutated shark...OM NOM NOM

4) Executive Decision- One moment there's a tense scene in which navy seals are trying to board a hijacked plane the next Steven Seagal is being sucked out of an airplane. And everyone is all 'OMGWTF! Steven Seagal has been sucked out of an airplane!!!!' and suddenly I could not love this film any more.

3) Silence of The Lambs- Three words... 'The Penis Dance' Ted Levine is going to be remembered for that for as long as he lives.

2) Graveyard Shift- Late in the film one of the characters gets his arm chopped off. It's supposed to be a dramatic and horrifying moment, but the guy gets carried away with his flailing and the rest of the cast ends up showered in wet bits of fake wrist. And I'm gone, utterly gone.

1) Hollow Man - One moment I'm watching a grim treatise on invisibility and then suddenly I'm looking at heat vision testicles! I missed twenty minutes of dialogue the first time I watched this film.

Honourable mentions! (excluded either because I'm sure someone was trying to funny or because they didn't fit!)

Anaconda - Any time the giant CGI/Rubber anaconda is eating anyone. Ok any time the giant CGI/Rubber Anaconda is on screen at all.

Total Recall- Arnold Swarzengger on the surface of Mars, with his eyes coming out....nuff said.

Jurassic Park - Creepy suit guy hides from a Tyrannasaurus Rex in a small wooden toilet, creepy suit guy is promptly being eaten by the Tyrannasaurus Rex

Wendigo - A film so excruciatingly dull I think I actually died in the middle of it. But right near the end a man is chased by what I would absolutely swear is a bunch of sticks taped to the camera and a man wearing a deer head perched on the top of his head.

I may be compelled to add to my 'Honourable mentions' as more films come to me....

In which it's Sunday and I'm Doctor Who flavoured

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 13:16:38 GMT

Random question and musings about Doctor Who, under a cut in case my musings become spoilery!

So where are all the bees?

It's been mentioned in all three episodes of Doctor Who so far that all the bees are disappearing. This is clearly an important theme for series four!

So where are all the bees and why are they disappearing??

Best guess anyone!?

In which I throw open my indecision to the masses (again)

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 08:33:50 GMT

apocalyptothon is taking sign-ups and so far I've been resisting! Because I think I'm too easily lured into stuff. Clearly I can't trust myself to decide!

View Poll: Apocolyptothon

In which I review Blood Ties!

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 07:38:09 GMT

Pilots seem to lure me into doing review picspams, spoilers for the two part season opener....

I had to watch the second episode of Blood Ties, because it seemed wrong to just do a review on the first episode, which was the first part of a two parter and thus had only half the plot and half the characters!! So this pilot was extra long!

I have actually read the first book in the series, but it was quite a while ago. I didn't like it much but I'm not going to bring any of that here, mostly because my memory of what actually happened in the book fails me on most counts, but also because that's not really fair.

So Blood Ties!

But before I start there is one thing....

This show is filmed very strangely. It looks like it's been filmed through the bottom of a pint glass, smeared light, blurred scenery and unclear foreground. It's also very high colour but occasionally really, really dark, giving the impression it's been coloured in with felt pens. Wha? Is this a design choice?! Because it kind of sucks. I have to say I would absolutely love to see what they could have done with a clear copy of this show. Which is the reason I'm going to use as many promo shots as I can get away with because the caps ~~make it look like it was made in the early nineties~~ aren't always that good.....

Straight off the bat I love the theme tune for this show, the tone, tune and lyrics all work beautifully. I meant to go and find out who sings it but I'll probably forget.

This is Vicki Nelson, she's a PI. I love PIs, (or is it PD's, what's the difference between a private investigator and a private detective?!) Anyway, being a private investigator is a great way to be a cop in a series without actually being a cop and also being alone and broody and not having to do lots of paperwork, or wear an unattractive uniform!! ~~Though they can still eat doughnuts if they want~~

I like her, she's feisty and independent without being annoying, she can clearly handle herself and doesn't need rescuing every five minutes. And unlike other TV cops seems to know when something fishy is going on and is appropriately cautious. So yeah, she's a pretty damn fine heroine.

She used to be a cop but she had to leave. Because she has a progressive disease that's very slowly taking her vision and thus she has to wear glasses, and looks pretty damn classy in them too. The promo people don't seem to think so because they never let her wear them for any of the promo shots. I'll make sure to show you her pretty glasses later!

Also she's played by Cristina Cox, and thus pretty! (she could probably even wear an unattractive uniform, not that she'd want to!)

This is Henry, he's a vampire (congratulations show on giving a vampire an age appropriate name!) He has pretty hair ~~and thus I will forgive him his weird chin~~

This is him being all Vampire-y (vampire-ish?)

This is what Henry and Vicki look like together. Henry isn't very tall but it doesn't matter because he's a vampire (people were short in the olden days! This show is just full of randomly doing things right, and I have no idea whether it's an accident or on purpose!)

This is Mike Salucci, he's an actual cop. You can tell by the badge and the gun and the grimness! He's very good at looking grim and serious. Sometimes he looks grim and serious and quite delicious, and other times he looks grim and serious and demented.

And sometimes he looks a bit like Paul Gross in a blond wig!

Paul and Vicki used to date! This is what they look like together!

This what they all look like together ~~and you totally shouldn't read anything into that~~

Vicki may not be a cop anymore but she likes investigating things, she feels compelled to investigate things.

So when some bloke is mugged/mauled/sexually assaulted/murdered (it's dark at the beginning so you can't actually see!) She runs across the street to help. She has one of those extending baton things that makes an especially cool noise when she flicks it open! So clearly she is still prepared to beat the crap out of bad guys if necessary!

But the bad guy flees! Like something supernatural.

Paranoid goth girl asks Vicki to find out who murdered her boyfriend. So Vicki gets herself attached to the case and its evidence by generally not taking no for an answer and bribing people with Chinese food. So far she is the best PI ever!

Mike doesn't protest very hard, I think it's quite hard to be authorititive with people that know what you look like naked!

Meanwhile Henry is having sex with a random woman

She gets a little too enthusiastic and Henry has to hypnotise her into going with his hypnotic vampire eye powers!!!!

Yep, that's pretty much all he does in his first scene but the hypnotising vampire eye powers will show up later so I thought I'd better mention them!

Meanwhile Vicki is trying to wheedle more information about the case. Mike uses his 'this is srs police business and I cannot share details with you' face

Vicki uses her 'I've seen you naked' face

We therefore learn a valuable lesson in the first episode. Mike has no willpower. Seriously you could probably get him to do anything, anything!

And the times when he does say no Vicki probably doesn't listen anyway.

This is about the part in the episode where Henry makes 'waking up' look like 'having an orgasm'

Way to ~~make me laugh like an idiot~~ be dramatically not dead Henry.

He goes out investigating too! I can't decide at the moment whether Henry likes investigating or whether he's on some quest to rid the world of evildoers. He had a flashback sequence after all, you usually only get flashback sequences if you're broody and there's someone in your past you're supposed to kill (or if you're Duncan McCloud, and then you pretty much live in your own flashbacks with a variety of silly hairdos!)

Later Henry's hand gets dramatically burnt by some sunlight! So no strolling about in the day for Henry!

Meanwhile in the villain part of the plot!

These are some nerdy guys! The guy on the right ~~who looks about forty and certainly shouldn't still be at school~~ is a frustrated and angry nerd, and also evil! He's an evil frustrated nerd.

And everyone knows when an evil frustrated nerd can't get the girl he will resort to black magic and the summoning of demons.

That's absolutely true, be nice to nerds or they will send demons to eat your face D:

Anyway he's been using his black magic to kill people!

And he cuts his hand so many times in the first episode it's amazing he has any nerves and tendons left to cut in the second!! Everyone knows that in demon summoning you cut the fleshy part of your hand not straight across the palm, you pillock!!

This is the evil cockney demon he's been summoning. A Cockney Demon!!! I can't tell you how much I enjoyed the fact that the nerdy guy has done some sort of terrible occult ritual with blood and stuff and has called up a cockney demon. I want a cockney demon of my very own!!!

Because he's an evil demon he'd like nothing more than to eat the nerdy guy's face off! Nerdy guys is an idiot so you get the feeling that sooner or later he'll do something ridiculous and end up on the buffet menu.

In this case I'm absolutely rooting for the cockney demon!

Henry and Vicki end up investigating in the same place for a change!

Henry utilises his hypnotising vampire eye powers!!

Vicki is neither impressed nor hypnotised, and is pretty much GTFO! Also look at her pretty glasses, aren't they pretty!

Henry is all 'my hypnotising vampire eye powers DID NOT WORK!! He goes and beats up (then eats) some random club thugs to make him feel better (he doesn't eat them all up, they're still groaning afterwards!)

Then Henry and the Cockney demon have a fight! It's clear to me that Henry learned his fighting techniques by watching old episodes of Hercules....

I'd love to know who dressed the Cockney demon!? Because he's straying very close to Cockney Pimp!demon. But this show wins a 'Best use of a bowler hat in any show ever! ' award

Vicki gets knocked out trying to hit Henry, suggesting he is either made of marble, or she is just very clumsy.

Yes, I was briefly confused too.

Later, when Vicki wakes up they're at Henry's place and Henry is wearing her glasses...he's cute in them too!

This is the couch conversation of win. Henry is all 'Vampire! Mwhahaha!' Vicki is all 'WTF vampire?' And Henry is all 'let's team up and fight crime!' Best conversation ever!

Look at Henry smiling! I swear this guy is the smiliest vampire ever!

Henry uses some dialogue which probably didn't work on girls in the seventeenth century let alone the twenty first. We feel embarrassed for him....

Anyway when Vicki says 'yes, ok we'll team up and fight crime already!' we get flashbacks, in which Henry talks about a magic club he used to belong to that called up demons!

Including ~~Marty Feldmen!~~ an evil boggle-eyed flashback demon that Henry has history with ~~ew not like that...I hope.~~

They figure this is related to frustrated evil nerdy guy. So they look for the Cockney demon using magic tricks.

Magic yay!

Henry is all 'magic is bad and evil and no good' and Vicki gives him the 'aren't you a vampire' face and Henry's face pretty much says 'yes but I'm a nice vampire.' Lol! Sure you are Henry.

Vicki is all 'I can see you in the mirror! WTF vampire legends YOU LIED!

It's probably a good thing because with Henry's hair not having a reflection would probably be a problem.

Anyway Henry goes to fight Cockney demon again, and pretty much gets his arse kicked. ~~I think the bowler hat has special powers, knock it off Henry!~~

But Henry gets sliced up enough that he goes all //faints dramatically// 'I need to feed' so Vicki obliges with some random part of her arm.

Just in case you hadn't twigged that this bit is supposed to be slightly dirty/have a penetration theme they put porn music over the top of it. I'm not kidding they do! Way to be subtle show.

Later they go to Henry's apartment and he plays dead for a while. Vicki molests him a little while he's dead ~~and I don't blame her I totally would as well (he's not going to know, he's dead!)~~

It's just after this bit, she's checking to make absolutely sure.

I got distracted by half naked Henry and forgot where I was in the plot??

Vicki, Henry, paranoid goth girl and frustrated nerdy guy all end up at frustrated nerdy guy's house, in various states of sacrificer and sacrificee.

Nerdy guy manages to call up ~~Marty Feldman~~ the evil boggle-eyed demon, but Henry saves the day, with his giant book.

Frustrated nerdy guy gets eaten, but that's ok. He deserved it.

Mike arrives too late to rescue anyone and gets to look very confused and wave his gun around a little!

Henry is jealous of Mike....even though Mike has less pretty hair, looks grim a lot and isn't a vampire.

Next week there are zombies! And the possibility of a dirty threesome is brought up....

Verdict: Ok show, you've won me over, you have, I'll admit it. I'm not sure how you did it but you did! This show is ridiculous, and utterly silly at times, whoever is writing the dialogue (especially Henry's) should be whipped with branches full of leaves! But I really like it anyway, it's the fun sort of silly and the cast is pretty and funny, really funny at times. There were a few places where I burst out laughing and wasn't entirely sure whether I was supposed to or not! Everyone is slightly mad, in fact I think Vicki is the most sensible out of all of them and she spends five minutes molesting a dead guy! Oh crazy vampire PI shows never ever change!

I shall definitely watch more of it.

Zombies!

In which John has no pants....

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 08:08:22 GMT

I was up way too early this morning, I spent an hour just wandering around staring at things like a zombie, then I watched an episode of Criminal Minds, which probably isn't a good idea when you're half awake. I remember that some women were murdered horribly, and that Hotch was grumpy and Spencer was very pretty but not a lot else (and I'm aware that isn't enough to even tell you which series it was let alone which episode!) But now it feels like lunchtime and I'm hungry. I'm jet-lagged by my own stupid body today!

I'm currently writing 5 Times John Lost His Pants for master_kogane because I promised a 'John loses his pants' fic and then I thought up several amusing pant-losing scenarios so I just ran with them all. So sorry, you might not get it today, pant-losing epic-ness may take a little longer!

Also I'm hoping I'm going to get my two next rental DVD's today which should be SGA 3 4-8 and 30 Days of Night. So I may actually end up writing pant-less John while watching John-in-pants. Because writing pant-less John while watching vampires tear people apart would just be wrong clearly (even if there are cross-fandom similarities.) I didn't realise quite how much I'd missed writing crack. So if anyone has any epic and insane crack ideas that they don't want, please feel free to show them to me so I can write things I shouldn't!

Oh and master_kogane picked six of my icons for the icon meme. ~~Which I shan't do myself because I think everyone else has already done it....~~ Ok everyone hasn't done it, so I shall ask myself!

1. If you want to play tell me, and I will pick six of your icons.
2. Make a post and talk about the icons I chose.
3. Other people can then comment to you and make their own posts.
4. This will create a never-ending cycle of icon squee!!

1
That would be Dean Winchester from Supernatural putting his gun down the back of his pants. It's slightly filthy and that's why I like it. I'm the sort of person that would be at a loss without some sort of suggestive gun/pants icon I'm certain of it!

2
I know this feeling so very, very well. When you really, really want to write/need to hit a deadline/promised someone fic but instead you spend all day staring at the screen/playing Solitaire/escaping into the wilds of the internet. It's my 'writing frustration' icon.

3
Pushing Daises is so much fun! Oh Ned, you and your kooky 'bringing the dead back to life' powers. This is my icon for when 'Ooops' just won't do! Also it's pretty and red and has Ned in it, and I'm involuntarily rhyming, I think that's what Pushing Daises does to you!

4
Pushing Daises again, look at little Ned, doesn't he look bored? When I'm bored I can be easily lured into misbehaviour. Like writing about things with tentacles, or wing!fic, or sex pollen fic 'everyone turns into a unicorn and hilarity ensues' fic. My bored icons all pretty much say 'make me write something I will be ashamed of for the next forty years, I dare you!'

5
Doctor Who, which I can't say vast amounts about because it's a little spoilery. But look at the little waving thing, isn't he precious! Wouldn't you want a waving icon of him too!

6
I love stock icons, there are some amazing pictures that people can make into fantastic icons. I love this one because it's clean and cool and soft and has Starfish in it! Starfish don't get enough love, look how cool they are! Look how their arms are all wriggling!

In which I fail to be productive....

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 11:05:01 GMT

I was going to do my obligatory 'review in pictures' of Blood Ties, since that started last night on a channel where I could see it with my own eyes! But it confounded me by being a two-parter! So I will have to do it next week now....

So instead I've spent the morning scrolling through icanhascheezburger, adding a million things to my Amazon wishlist, trying to find a good recipe for chocolate fudge brownies and making slightly ridiculous macro stories. I can't help but feel this probably isn't a valuable use of my time....

ETA: My favourite Brownie recipes from my wanderings!
Super easy ones
Extra Chocolatey
Sticky chocolate fudge ones
Ones with fudge glazing!

In which there is a meme...

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 08:16:45 GMT

I stole a meme from indyhat because it sounded like fun

Give me (at least) two characters from different fandoms that you know I'm familiar with and I'll give you a dialogue happening between the two of them. Without justifying how the crossover would work, how their worlds clashed, or how they could even meet each other. Just a silly crossover conversation with no backstory, for fun.

In which there is new Doctor Who

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 08:52:24 GMT

Oh Doctor Who, I have missed you! And 4x01 had pretty much everything I wanted out of the start of a new series. A new companion with potential, some aliens, some laughs, some amusing chase sequences. And if you want to see them, layers and layers of human nature. That's the thing I've always loved about Doctor Who, they tangle up silliness, fun and believability until they're all almost perfectly balanced. And it never has to be perfect to make me love it.

Oh Doctor I have missed you running around with things that beep!

And Donna! I actually liked Donna in the Runaway Bride, which I know some people really didn't, I thought if she toned down the shouting and outrage that she could work.

And I think she does, she brings something different to the Doctor/Companion partnership, something less complicated, something almost sibling-esque. Catherine Tate pulls it off in my opinion.

Here she is looking confused, I expect she's going to be doing this a lot.

Donna: I'm waving at fat!

I think I'm going to really, really like you Catherine Tate.

The Adipose may actually be the cutest alien villains ever!

Oh and unexpected Rose!!!

I knew she was coming but I didn't expect her in the first episode. Why did she fade away? Where did she go? Is she falling between parallel universes? Is it really Rose at all? Will I stop asking questions any time soon...probably not!

"Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs..."

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 09:21:13 GMT

You know who's awesome, Bruce Willis is awesome! Because sometimes that's just all the reason you need for a picspam....

Sin City caps by toxxxicgurl

March 2008 Fic Round Up

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 15:02:39 GMT

Torchwood

Learning Curve (CO/Being Human, Jack/George, PG-13) The world comes back in quick flashes of blue and green.
Space Adventurers (CO/SGA, Ianto/Jack/John, R) Jack waves a hand, as if to indicate exactly why Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard is not your average random rift debris.
Skin (CO/Being Human, Ianto/George, PG-13) Introductions and nudity
Pink (Ianto/Ianto/Ianto, NC-17) Jack sees something unexpected
Explanations (CO/Numb3rs, Ianto/Colby, PG) Explanations and Tequila
Just Pretending (Ianto/Owen, R) Owen never gets to push like this, never.
Introductions (CO/Being Human, Owen/George, PG-13) More introductions and nudity

Heroes

Losing Your Way 1/2 (Gen, R, Warning: Unpleasant themes and mild gore) I want to think someone would come for me-" Peter shakes his head, one quick movement. "I need to think someone would come for me."
Losing Your Way 2/2 (Gen, R, Warning: Unpleasant themes and mild gore) Since the bathroom there's been no sign that Adam knows, or cares, where he is.
All The Time In The World (CO/Doctor Who, Ten/Sylar, PG-13) The Doctor has nothing but time

Being Human

Sound (Mitchell/George, PG-13) George knows how to be quiet, knows how to hide things from people.
Sight (Mitchell/George, PG-13) He wonders when exactly his life became an episode of Hollyoaks.
Bite (Mitchell/George, R) Sometimes we hide the things we want
Skin (CO/Torchwood, Ianto/George, PG-13) Introductions and nudity
A Tale of Two Annies (CO/Life on Mars, Gen, PG) Everyone is just a little connected.
Introductions (CO/Torchwood, Owen/George, PG-13) More introductions and nudity
Learning Curve (CO/Torchwood, Jack/George, PG-13) The world comes back in quick flashes of blue and green.

Misc

Clover Tin Man (Cain/Glitch, PG) Noise and silence
Running Chuck (Chuck/Casey, R) Chuck thinks he might have a heart attack
Closer SGA (Sheppard/Lorne, NC-17) There are rules, John bends them
Dessert Numb3rs (Don/Colby, R) In which there are handcuffs
Magic Wand Supernatural (Gen, PG) Dean finds a magic wand
Assistance Primeval (Nick/Connor, PG-13) Nick is helpful, Connor appreciates it, sort of.
Russian Words, Chuck (Chuck/Casey, PG-13) Chuck is having language problems
Cake or Death, Firefly, (Mal/Jayne, NC-17) Mal has a difficult choice to make
Hair, Mighty Boosh, (Gen, PG) Vince has a new hairstyle
Personality Crisis, Misc, (T-1000/Wolverine, PG-13) comment fic
Mobile, Life On Mars (Sam/Annie, PG) mobile phones under a seventies sky.

In which I fail to think of a subject line

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 10:10:25 GMT

I was going to spend yesterday writing something for the various fic battles drifting about but my brain wouldn't produce any words for them. So I spent it watching stuff, writing things I shouldn't and generally being random instead.

1) I discovered that Amazon has changed its layout and I can no longer work out where my wishlist is and I keep ending up on the wrong page. I'm still under the impression that it did this just to upset me....

2) I watched my second rental DVD, so now I have seen both! I liked Day Watch but I didn't think it was as good as the first film, and The Dark is Rising managed to entertain me for an hour and twenty minutes and provide Christopher Eccleston in black leather. It would seem ungrateful to complain...also I kind of want the kitten now.

3) I wore in my new Converse, mostly around the house because I didn't want to take them outside and get them dirty on the first day, this may have gotten me laughed at a little alright a lot

4) Remembered stuff! The dirty hot future guy from The Sarah Connor Chronicles was annoying me because I knew that I recognised his face but didn't know where from. Then I caught 'Brian Austin Green' in the credits and went OH he's the little annoying one with the earrings from Beverly Hills 90210!! Would it be cruel if I pointed out that he's finally grown into his own head?

5) Played We Love Katamari! My other half is convinced he will one day be better at rolling stuff up than me. This is never going to happen.

6) Went out in the hail! I'd completely forgotten how much it stings your face.

7) Spent half the evening half-watching the Ice Skating Championship on BBC Interactive. I have to admit John and Sinead Kerr's robot routine was actually a lot of fun.

8) While half-watching the ice skating championships I may have accidentally written some stuff. There is accidental Torchwood zombie!bondage and some Chuck apocalypse fic that may be loosely based on the book 'I Am Legend' because I'm weird like that. Oh and some other stuff which I will only admit to under the oppressive light of a desk lamp shoved in my face. Who knew Ice Skating could be such a corrupting influence?

9) Watched Dirty Sexy Money, noticed that Peter Krause has the same daughter he had in The Lost Room, maybe he stole her from the set?

10) Couldn't be arsed to watch Torchwood so taped it instead and ate mini-eggs and read half a James Rollins book. There were cave monsters in it! :D

So now it's raining a lot and I have to go and post my DVD's back or they won't send me anymore. Which should probably be Run Fat Boy, Run and 30 Days of Night, I don't know, I haven't checked, me and Amazon are no longer talking.

In which I will write people stuff

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 09:17:29 GMT

I'm waiting for various delivery type people today. But I'm in the mood to be random and adventurous so I'm taking prompts for comment!fic. If anyone would like one then throw me a pairing and a prompt/line/theme/kink and I will attempt to make fic out of it. Prompting is now finished since I am disappearing in a little while. I will have the prompts I don't get to up tomorrow, or Wednesday :P

My fandoms are Heroes, Torchwood, Doctor Who, Numbers, Supernatural, House, BTVS, Tin Man, Robin Hood, Primeval, Chuck, Psych, Moonlight, Life on Mars, Firefly, Hex, Being Human, SG and SGA (up to season 3) In fact pretty much anything I've ever mentioned watching....

In which I watch the Bionic Woman

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 10:32:08 GMT

I watched the premier of the Bionic Woman last night...so there's spoilers for the whole episode. Also I'm a little rambly this morning...

I watched the Bionic Woman on ITV2 last night, in all it's premier glory. It's pretty much come across on my flist as either a 'quite enjoy it' or 'detest it to the very depths of your soul' sort of a show.

So I watched it, and I'll be honest it's the first pilot I've taken a chance on and haven't loved straight away, or at least liked enough that I was willing to forgive it its flaws.

This is Jamie Sommers, or the Bionic Woman, or at least she will be. She works in a bar!

I feel quite bad about the fact that I watch this woman and all I can see if Michelle Ryan from Eastenders. I don't even watch Eastenders and yet I remember her perfectly well, screaming at Kat for being her mother instead of her sister (that sort of thing happens a lot in soaps, though I've never come across anyone who's secretly someone's mother instead of their sister in real life!)

Even with an American accent she's still Michelle Ryan from Eastenders, and it's quite a good American accent too, most of the time (much better than my fake American accent, which is quite a lot like Spike's when he's pretending to be English pretending to be American.)

I'm sure it would go away if I watched more episodes and I'd stop seeing Michelle Ryan from Eastenders and see the Bionic Woman!

Anyway aside from casting Michelle Ryan from Eastenders (god am I going to need an abbreviation for that?) it's got history. It's the Bionic woman, which was actually a sort of spin off of the Bionic Man on it's own (I'm wondering why they didn't remake that instead? A lack of quality female ass kicking on TV perhaps?)

I wonder who they would have cast as the bionic man.

Also, the make-up artist is not kind to her in this TV show, I have no idea why.

Oh and Jamie has a sister, who is a very obnoxious teenager, she doesn't do what she's told and rebels a lot.

She doesn't deserve to get a picture!

This is Jamie's lovely boyfriend, doctor scientist, genius guy...he has no name...no he probably does have a name I just really don't remember hearing it. He's like the women from seventies Tv shows, he's pretty and his name doesn't matter (oh TV bosses you're so sexist!)

Though there are a lot of parts in the show where he looks like he's wearing a wig.

I was imaging him bald at odd moments, which was quite distracting!

He loves her enough that when they're in a horrible car crash which steals all of Jamie's limbs he takes her to a secret facilty (is there any other TV kind?) and fits her with nifty bionic limbs, and some sort of nanites that live in her blood and can make her heal fast (This is for the benefit of people who never saw the original Bionic Woman.)

I know some people see this as an absolutely gross breach of both trust and personal boundaries. I'm sort of the opposite. If my other half fitted me with nifty bionic limbs rather than letting me die hideously in a car crash I'd think it was pretty fucking sweet.

The part later where she learns she's now a military weapon and has to fight crime and kill spies and stuff...well I'd also kind of like that part but I can see how it might put a crimp in their grand romance.

Either way he is IDEALISTIC! (and that deserves it's capitals) it means he has to act in a certain way, so you can pretty much nail every one of his actions and motivations for the rest of the episode.

There are some other people at the secret facilty, including Miguel Ferrerer and some other people who aren't quite interesting enough to merit being written about (sorry guest stars!)

The Bionic effects are kind of sweet to start with.

Look at the nifty Bionic legs!

~~Why does she have chicken wire in there?~~

This woman can never travel by air again (tell them you have a plate in your head it's worked in other shows!)

Anyway while that whole 'oh my god I'm a cyborg' plotline is going on there's the other plotline!

*switches plotlines*

This is Sarah Corvis (also known as Katee Sackhoff) She was the first Bionic Woman, only it looks like she went mad, flipped out and killed everyone, she was sorry about it for a while.

Until her boyfriend shot her. That would be this guy who has 'sinister motives' written all over him. He works in the facility, mostly he looks suspicious and makes everyone else suspicious.

She's not as dead as most dead people though, in fact she's alive and awesome.

Even with the Brigette Nielson hair!

Also Thomas Kretschmann shows up in her storyline.

This is called 'acting' we like to watch it.

Evil Bionic woman is having a far more interesting storyline so far.

She gets to meet interesting and attractive people and wear vest tops while Jamie Sommers sits in a hospital bed with super Bionic limbs and refuses to eat her jello (well no not literally but you get the feeling if someone brought her jello she'd refuse to eat it on principle.)

Anway, back to the Jamie Sommers plotline. IDEALISTIC boyfriend (I feel terribly sexist for not remembering his name now, I may have to Google it in a minute) has helped Jamie escape.

She does the obligatory Bionic running through the forest.

This is very fast and by the looks of it almost impossible to cap!

But I feel compelled to share her Bionic-ness

My mum was very upset that we didn't get Bionic Noises

DU DU DU DU DU DU DU DU

She gets home and jumps off of a building (still without noises, Lee Majors is very disappointed in you!)

I still don't know if she was trying to commit suicide or just get to the building across the street. She doesn't seem very surprised to end up there.

I have no idea what this woman's motivations are? Honestly none! Is she suicidal, is she angry, sad, confused? She cries in the shower for a while but then later she goes to work and seems happy enough.

Am I supposed to care about her?

My understanding of what she was feeling at the moment were about as much of a mystery to me as her Bionics were to her.

Also, the make-up woman still don't like her much.

But though the make-up women don't like Michelle Ryan they positively adore Katee Sackhoff. They manage to make her look amazing all the time, seriously, all the time....

Dying

Soaking wet

and covered in blood.

In fact everyone seems to love Katee Sackhoff (even me but I'm being as fair as I am able!!)

I'm making a strange point, she's a sociopath, a needy sociopath, she's a Bionic needy sociopath but the show adores her. They give her the nicest clothes, an awesome hair stylist, they give her motivation and action scenes, two maybe even three love interests, a reputation and some of the good dialogue in the show.

I mean my god she smokes in the rain! I don't care if it's bad for you, she smokes in the rain.

Something only action heroes, French Captains and plucky British soldiers have really ever done.

If she didn't have a penchant for ramming trucks into people she'd be the star of the show.

Anyway aside from my skipping ahead in the plot to show pictures of rain-drenched Bionic Women. They actually finally meet at the bar.

And flirt with each other...

Normally I'm exagerating in the interests of inappropriateness but this time I'm not going to say a word, I'm just going to put the pictures here and let people judge for themselves.

Anyway the bar scene is where Jamie's Bionic eye and ear switch on and generally start making the world go a bit weird.

The eye thing...is very odd.

Sarah Corvis is 1? 1 what? Is her Bionic implant telling her she's one person? I could tell that with a normal eye. I could probably tell that better with a normal eye.

What exactly is the eye thing telling her? What is Acoustic Imaging?

That's echo location right? The only way you can combine sound and pictures is with echo location. I'm confused. And is that 5Hz, that's not a sound that's too low surely. My brain really hurts at this point.

As far as I can see the circle thing recognises faces and says 'THIS IS A PERSON!' That doesn't seem to be a very useful Bionic implant if I'm brutally honest.

OMG the technology is so useless!!

Also it makes Jamie sick and she has to go throw up in the bathroom......

Sarah Corvis comes and holds her hair for her.

Then she tells her that the Bionic implants take a while to get used to, and that it gets better.

She doesn't threaten her, or do anything sociopathic at all. She's nothing but nice to her.

I can only wish my evil nemesis was this nice to me.

If they'd gotten together to fight crime and stuff, it would have been a much, much better show.

Later Sarah Corvis shoots the IDEALISTIC doctor guy (I'll find out his name, honest!) Not because he's Jamie's boyfriend, she was going to kill him anyway, because she's a sociopath.

Jamie drags him out of the way so he's only shot a little bit

What's an ADI target? What does 13.0 100% mean? She's about a mile away. Why is the Bionic Eye run by what looks like Windows 95?

My god I know for a fact there are binoculars with more options than this!!!

Anyway-

In the last fight on the rooftop, Jamie ~~Michelle Ryan from Eastenders~~ steps up and tries to match Katee Sackhoff, but she never quite makes it.

The fight scene is dark and in the rain, which is good for dramatic tension but bad for knowing what's going on, especially when you put your two main characters in dark clothing!

Though one of the bits I do like in this is where Sarah Corvis realises, and points out, that Jamie only has one Bionic arm. Seriously this women sees a weakness and then jumps all over it. The thing is that she has some really fucking glaring weaknesses of her own but does nothing to try and plug the holes.

In some pilots it's hard to tell what's set up for later and what's shoddy writing.

At the moment I'm not inclined to think this show is attempting any Shakespearean tapestry of strength vs weakness.

I think Jamie has her good arm broken at this point, or possibly dislocated, it's really hard to tell in the dark. Either way the little things in her blood, I'm assuming, heal her within the next minute.

Because she ends up hanging off of a fence that's tumbled over the edge of the building.

That was pretty much the end. Katee Sackhoff doesn't die, which will probably make me leave the channel on next week if there's nothing better on.

I haven't had a show disappoint me in some really fundamental ways in a long time...it could have been so much better, it maybe should have been so much better.

Lovely caps from http://caparchives.crystalfires.net

In which I am distracted by snow....

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 08:21:05 GMT

It's snowing here...properly snowing, haven't seen that in a while!!

Random surprise of the week, while I was indulging in the amusing silliness that was Blade the Series last night, who stumbles into the show but Kavan Smith (Major Lorne, hello Major Lorne!) He gets to play a hot vampire...and I probably shouldn't say anymore just in case people object to Blade the Series spoilers.

ETA: Discworld news. It looks like Jeremy Irons has been cast to play Havelock Vetinari....

In which I am meme-ing again

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 09:15:56 GMT

skypipe meme-tagged me, and there were questions...questions!

People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

1. You have 50 dollars in your pocket what do you do with it?

I tend to wander at random, and get distracted by shiny things. I normally end up with something like a pair of jeans, a book, a CD, a bottle of coke and a magazine.

2. What is your most guilty pleasure?

The Internet...and cookies, if I have the internet and cookies I can waste days, and days....

3. Have you ever seen someone die?

No, I've seen a lot of animals die, but never a person. I've seen a lot of people who were very close to death and that's unnerving enough I think....

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?

I think confused is probably the wrong word. Though without awesome future-seeing powers I can't know what's ahead. I hope it won't be bad, that's about all I can do....

5. Where do you see yourself in five years?

Probably more or less where I am now, only older, maybe I'll be more sensible? Maybe I'll live in a different town? Maybe I'll be smuggling diamonds on a yacht! I suppose it all depends on the choices I make....

6. Name a personal hero.

I don't really have one...I've never really encountered anyone heroic in real life. I had plenty on TV when I was little. Am I allowed to say Captain Kirk? Because if I ever was Captain of a spaceship I'd totally want to be like him (though actually I'd probably be exactly like Arthur Dent, embarrassing but true.)

7. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?

Well if the don't like me at all then no. I wouldn't want to put my life on hold for someone who didn't want me.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

Be briefly sad at the unrequited love that could never be and then move on.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?

I suppose there are shades of unhappy, I was a little unhappy when I spilled my glass of orange juice this morning :(

10. What do you want most in life?

I could be very ordinary and say 'to be happy' because that's a nice enough thing to want. But since it's my question I get to uncover my secret megalomaniac ways. I want to be a very rich supervillain with a harem of exotic beauties to peel my grapes for me. Uh huh, that'll do nicely :D

11. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins do you think you relate to the most & why?

It's a close call between three...but I shall go for Lust, because I think my brain is wired that way.

12. If you find out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how would you react?

I would be extraordinarily pissed, and I'd definitely have to avoid them both until I'd cooled down a little.

13. Who is currently the most important person to you?

It has to be my mum, she's quite important. Because she loves me no matter how much of an obnoxious arse I can be....

14. What kind of person do you think you are?

Bleaurgh...I think I'm a good person, I try to do the right thing, be polite, be nice to people. Though have my inner reserves of heinous bitch but I think everyone does to some extent. I'll sometimes do the wrong thing for fun, or when no ones looking.....

15. Do you believe there is nothing higher than human kind?

Human kind isn't exactly in great shape by any measure you want to use for living creatures, on our bad days we're a seething mass of self-destruction, on our good days, we're quite nice but at the top of some cosmic ladder of excellence? Not a chance!

When I was a kid I always wondered what it would be like if mice evolved into people...maybe they will some day, that would be kind of fun! Though I wouldn't be around to see it :(

16. Which fictional character would you most like to be?

Sherlock Holmes, I want to be Sherlock Holmes so I can solve terrible and complex mysteries and smoke a pipe. Also I'll know in advance about the whole 'Reichenbach Falls' thing and can send a stunt double...

17. Would you give your all in a relationship?

I suppose it depends how important the relationship was, and if the other person was willing to put in the effort too. It's no use making the effort if the relationship is clearly crumbling or the other person isn't really interested. But in the right circumstances, yes.

18. Do you have a motto? If yes which one?

I don't think I have a motto...I don't really know anyone who lives by a motto, apart from very optimistic people who do seem to have mottos. Why optimistic people, why do you have mottos?

19. What type of friends do you like

I tend to like people in general, I find them interesting. I think a friend that likes you back is quite important, though funny, loyal and honest are good qualities too. And I don't mind a little craziness....

20. What got you into fandom?

I was about 15 and pottering about on the internet, when I randomly stumbled across extremely explicit Space Above and Beyond slash fic. Which I remember being very, very surprising and secret and filthy! I kept expecting it to disappear...into some sort of internet underground. It gradually occurred to me that this sort of stuff existed for other TV shows too, along with some of the things I was actually watching, Xena and Hercules and the X-Files at the time...and I gradually joined a few groups, tried my hand at a little fic, which didn't evoke laughter and finger pointing (which I think I was afraid it might at the time!) This lack of finger pointing encouraged me.

February 2008 Fic Round Up

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 18:32:27 GMT

I almost forgot it was the end of the month, and with it being a special once in four years end of the month at that, shame on me! Also...I wrote some very strange things this month!

Heroes

Ask Me No Questions (Peter/Sylar, NC-17) It's Sylar and not Elle, who tracks Peter down.

Torchwood

Persistence (CO/Captain Scarlet, Jack/Scarlet, R) Jack is persistent
Undertow (Ianto/Owen, NC-17) Everyone else has gone and Ianto doesn't care

Numbers

Non-euphemistic Strawberries (Charlie/Ian, PG-13) Sometimes a strawberry is actually a strawberry

Primeval

Armed (Ryan/Lester, PG-13) Misuse of military equipment
Wet (Ryan/Stephen, NC-17) Sometimes Ryan does what he's told
Vae Victus (Nick/Lester, R) Nick decides Lester has done enough talking.
Puppets! (CO/Captain Scarlet, Ryan/Captain Black, PG-13 Warnings: Puppet!crack) Captain Black has captured Captain Ryan

Robin Hood

Lost (Allan/Will, PG-13) Allan has had enough, Will is lost.

Supernatural

Now I'm Strong and I Won't Kneel (CO/Hercules, John/Hercules, NC-17) They're both used to sharing their space, even if the people that filled those spaces are long gone.

Misc

Progress Psych (Shawn/Lassiter, PG-13) The first time is an accident.
The Friends We Make Being Human (Mitchell/George, NC-17) "A man can buy throw cushions and not be gay you know, this isn't nineteen fifty five!"
Beware of Bottles Moonlight (Mick/Josef, NC-17) There were health supplements and now the room smells like France and Mick is a zebra
Senses Being Human (Mitchell/George, PG-13)

In which there is pretty

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 18:42:40 GMT

green_queen has done a huge and beautiful Eliza Dushku picspam, which is like a giant waterfall of pretty. There are a ton of amazing pictures, and she looks fantastic in them....